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Monday, September 19th, 2016

Subject:a day in the current life
Time:11:35 pm.
39 yrs old.

while playing forms today I found new depth. thats doesnt happen every day.

THis month Tamerlane turned 5 and started kindergarten. Nomi turned 2 today. we had a cute little party at the house and mom skyped in from a work trip in the uk.

my "arsenal of democracy" workshop only had 10 participants. its worked out ok.

youmacon security group mtg seems to be going well, i couldnt make it because i'm handling the kids while Natalia is abroad.

the private workgroup at the house seemed to go well. New business prospects are going forward.

Ghost new album hit youtube today. I dont know what to make of it, or anything else in life.
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Wednesday, July 29th, 2015

Subject:38,
Time:9:55 am.
the weekend of my birthday i spent in austin TX at a seminar w Moy Tung. Heavy drinking most of the days there made it surreal, but the sunday night workout was an excelent senior group for a long chi sao session, followed by chi kwan sessions. really gratifying. Had an excellent evening out at a crazy french place called Justines, outdoor with interesting lighting.

The week that followed I took time off from the schools and focussed on recovering, hanging out with the kids, and preparing for a very intense security job.

Over the weekend I ran the security operation for the satanic temple, it was the best party I've ever seen. There were several detroit churches actively attempting to stop the party, so preperations were intense. Everything went off without a hit.

the sunday after I spent the day with the family. At one point I was sitting on a picnic blanket in the back yard cuddling with a nappish baby Nomi. I feel asleep on the ground with her on my chest for at least an hour it was a while. I woke while she still slept, and watched clouds drift overhead while feeling her breath.

My involvement with the temple could end now, but it probably wont. Their cause is just and relevant, and they need me. I'll be in a CNN documentary about the temple by Lisa Ling that will be shown in the fall. We'll see what happens then.
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Wednesday, April 15th, 2015

Subject:life...
Time:10:43 am.
our time was brief and long ago, sweet memories fading into my own dreamlike past.
she was a lover, not a girlfriend, an old flame, not an ex. I always looked forward to seeing her again.
If indeed the valkyries come for me, I hope one of them will have her eyes.
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Tuesday, September 30th, 2014

Subject:keeping track of political ideas
Time:2:57 am.
research

http://www.politico.com/magazine/story/2014/09/race-and-the-modern-gop-111218_Page3.html#.VCpJUJRdWSo

http://weeklysift.com/2014/08/11/not-a-tea-party-a-confederate-party/

http://www.vox.com/2014/9/15/6131919/democrats-and-republicans-really-are-different
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Wednesday, June 11th, 2014

Subject:Keeping notes
Time:10:49 am.
the 9th anniversary seminar, and the follow up seminar the took place in richmond have concluded. i flew back from richmond sunday night.

when i got back i stopped by the something cold 5 yr anniversary party at nancy whiskey. It was the coolest goth night ever. seriously.

I cut out a bit early to cruise home to the newly purchased mansion on a canal that I now call home.

next year is the 10 year anniversary of the school, it will be the 15th year that I;ve lived in detroit. By that time i'll have 2 children. Who knows what else will be developed. Detroit keeps working out well for me. Now i have to face the new challenge of upping my game to keep pace with the development of the city. Thats a pretty daunting challenge for me personally. I'm too comfortable under the radar. I may actually have to put a sign on the building.
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Thursday, May 1st, 2014

Subject:leaving myself a note
Time:1:41 pm.
Its a fascinating challenge running a security group for a convention. Midwest Media Expo seems to be a success. the ren cen is an awesome place to wander around for a long weekend keeping things together and stopping bad guys. Even better if there arent any bad guys as such and your just helping good people keep it together.

Soon, the big annual seminar in Detroit, next year will be the 10 year Detroit seminar. I've lived in Detroit now longer than I had lived in Iowa City. I still have an Iowa ID.

In October I'll have another child. I had no idea what I would do with one, but thats turned out well. Having 2 i really cant imagine.
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Tuesday, November 26th, 2013

Time:11:51 pm.
it is deeply satisfying to have my daughter cuddle up on the couch with me to watch the metalocalypse rock opera.
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Wednesday, July 17th, 2013

Subject:ok, for real this time
Time:12:03 am.
soon i will actually be 36, and i'm really starting to get out into the deep end here. I was thinking back to 26 earlier this evening. It still seems like a short time ago.
i just got back from a brief excursion into the detroit river via canoe. The water was perfectly calm, no discernable current. It was hypnotic, floating in the dark with overhanging trees, watching the moon and the city lights.
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Sunday, May 5th, 2013

Time:9:17 pm.
spent some time in a hellish ghost-world. A lot like what frodo sees in lord of the rings when he puts on the ring, but also accompanied by physical agony and the most crushing meaninglessness. reality slipped away in stages. Its started when i thought i might have just eaten a "special" cookie that someone left lying around at the school.
of all my intoxicated adventures this was the most negative thing I've ever experienced. Some valuable insights were gained re: powerlessness and vulnerability. At the time I really felt like I had lost all control, in retrospect i was rather well composed and remained somewhat self-possessed.
What really broke me down was open-ended jokes on myself. whenever anyone would say anything I would think to myself: "yeah? well you should try being me..."
pondering this phrase would cause me to actually visibly see a black and white downward spiral that I was falling into, and the urge to laugh was so intense it would cause my whole body to seize. After I had escaped the paralyzing recursive humor I learned how to use this hilarity to escape the really agonizing tortures that got me in the deeper moments.
Another was "...and then what will happen?"
For the most part reality slipped away in a whirlwind of noise and pain, like i was in a great fire of anguish. With great effort i could see through it and interact with the normal world. Otherwise i was a tortured wraith. occasionally little scenes would play out, nightmare fables would spin out and become incoherent noise.
For some hours I was apparently shambling around deeply breathing with a ricktus grin looking like i was going to laugh and puke and scream, which is certainly how i was feeling. my memories otherwise are not clear.
I suspect that with out training this would have been an unbearably bad trip. seriously dont eat chocolate chip cookies if your not sure.
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Wednesday, January 30th, 2013

Time:9:37 am.
i dont think i believe in the curvature of spacetime
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Thursday, October 25th, 2012

Subject:ride the dragon
Time:11:02 pm.
no other choice now. we'll see where this thing goes. TEDxDetroit tomorrow, a very full weekend, and then its youmacon for a while, then holidays with a 1 year old, then on to the new year. This cycle will be a powerdive into total weirdness.
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Wednesday, July 4th, 2012

Time:11:28 pm.
Ok, after examining the drivers license and really thinking about it it seems i will actually be turning35
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Monday, July 2nd, 2012

Time:1:30 pm.
In a few weeksill be 36 years old. As previously stated i never really had a life plan that went past 33. Now im devloping an few ideas that will take me to the mid 40s. Its a novel challenge.
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Saturday, May 19th, 2012

Subject:first quarter of the year of the dragon.
Time:10:43 am.
first 1/4 of the year of the dragon;
-the adventure of parenthood blossoms, Tamerlane becomes interactive.
-my students hosted a grand opening seminar in denver. I am now a sigung
-purchased a decent car for moy tung as a birthday gift.
-a massive wedding, very successful by all accounts, and a nice honeymoon.
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Saturday, February 4th, 2012

Subject:Year of the dragon
Time:12:20 am.
Its off to an appropriate beggining. I think this year is going to make the last few look boring.
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Saturday, December 31st, 2011

Time:6:44 pm.
2011 was an awesomely productive year for me.
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Tuesday, December 27th, 2011

Time:10:15 pm.
oh man, things are considerably crazier than i would have thought. There are, at this time, many more amazing things happening than I can do or be involved in. This is a strange new pressure; i have to choose what not to do. There are only so many hours in the day, and I spend 2/3rds of them enthralled by my baby. Its new level of time/resource management challenge.

On A completely different note, I got outplayed by a much older kung fu master on christmas night, and I felt really good about it, but the situation had some gruesome potential.

The old guy seriously tried to use some impressive skills on me, and was quite obviously experienced in taking down lesser martial artists with a cruel and aggressive combination of feints and small-joint manipulation submission/vital strike setups. He through elbows, went for the groin, grabbed at the face, knuckle strikes, thumb jabs, dangerous. This is pretty typical stuff for people with a serious military background with old-world martial arts training. I didnt let a single one of his techniques work, and he immediately changed his tune. He became congenial, started talking about how he found jesus, and very smoothly bought me a drink and joined me in a toast.

now, previous to this guy trying to jack me, I had been at the bar with 2 close, but young, students of mine. It was xmas night and they taken me out for a drink, which had become 2 drinks. while i had been distracted talking to an old friend I ran into, they had gotten his attention talking about kung fu, and he had been demonstrating his techniques on them. WHen I saw what was going on I engaged him directly, which was when he tried his luck with me.

After we had done the shot together, and the old guy was talking about his vietnam days, I made an quick subtle arrangement with the bartender to buy the next round, and as I suspected he proposed another drink. I then had to watch in astonishment as the bartender refused my money, and poured another generous shot taking the cash from him so smoothly it was obvious he was a regular and they had a pre-existing agreement.

As shots were being poured for the next toast, i realized he had bought shots for all of us, my students included. thats shot #4. I then listen as he talks about how he trains medical orderlies in submission techniques the he learned in the army, and he offers to shake my hand. Of course I know what come next; he tries his techniques again, thinking he'll catch me off guard, but I dont think he was accustomed to relaxed technique.
Now; we are in a bar, and this guy is clearly a regular, he's an old man, and a veteran, and I'm not really feeling threatened, so I dont hit him, but with a combination of wu-sao, huen-sao, and fist chambering techniques, he cant get anything on me. he breaks for a second shouts something at me about how I cant fight him,(all evidence to the contrary, but whatever) i take the opportunity to thank him for his service to the country.

This he didnt not expect, he relaxes, turns away from me, and orders another round. While he and the bartender are talking I overhear one of my students mention to the other that this guys actually paid for our first 2 rounds of shots as well.
Checkmate.
He turns back to us, hands me shot # 5, and toasts. I'm not a heavy drinker, 5 shots in short time is too much for me. I thanked him, took the students, and left. I may be the young Ving Tsun hotshot, but this dudes game was respectably deep.

Does this story make any sense?
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Wednesday, December 21st, 2011

Time:3:37 pm.
if anyone wants to come over friday night were having a holiday party at the house. BYO-whatever, it should be a relatively low key accumulation of various associates from my 10+ years in detroit. I think we'll have cookie decorating, weird music, and I'm kind of feeling like exposing my guests to some strange movie selections.
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Thursday, December 8th, 2011

Time:3:41 am.
Several new dimensions of depth have recently appeared in my awareness, which gives me the delightful feeling of gazing off into whole new abyss's of potential failure, while holding to pretty much the same ever smaller path of success.
The novelty and the risk are almost as thrilling as the sense of accomplishment. Its always nice to have new problems to worry about. THe old problems had gotten boring.

one dimension - raising the child has me thinking a lot about how my current action will read in the next generation.

another - media projects are forcing a new personal awareness of my representation to a broader community

yet another - for the first time the school is starting to be the target of sabotage and harassment, and my school and students are being specifically targeted by various large scale entities with consistent patterns. I had always known this kind of thing was possible, but to see it actually happening, and getting dealt with reasonably well, is pretty empowering.

My life suddenly feels very different, these are next level problems, and thats pretty satisfying.
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Monday, November 28th, 2011

Time:11:56 pm.
My FB friends page is full of Occupy-related posts. I've been attempting to initiate dialog by asking what seem like reasonable follow up questions. When i first started doing this a few months ago discussion ensued. In the last 2 weeks or so people have responded immediately with personal attacks, just crazy personal insults.
I think its a sea-change in the attitude of a movement that feels its starting to succeed.

also;

I think that people on all ends of the political spectrum are thinking and talking a lot more about government now than ever before. Many of the people trying to have political or economic discussions with me lately have really surprised me. I think what I'm seeing these days isnt actually people becoming truly interested in taking part in government. I think what I'm seeing is a fad for a sort of government fetishism. I think people are fantasizing, and mythologizing ideas about government the way they would with religions in another age. Of course, governments were religions in another age...
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LiveJournal for A Lover of Questions.

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You're looking at the latest 20 entries. Missed some entries? Then simply jump back 20 entries.